Wonkette
rino
To appeal to the 45-year-old bitter people who enjoy the 34-year-old Saturday Night Live teevee program because they are too old/poor to actually do anything on Saturday night, 71-year-old John McCain will make a very brief appearance on SNL at exactly 11:35 p.m. tomorrow. Apparently the show's producers wanted to put McCain in a dress and beat the shit out of him for 15 minutes, which is the usual level of comedy on SNL, but the "maverick" said no.
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Fake Republican John McCain Refuses To Be Transvestite On TeeVee
To appeal to the 45-year-old bitter people who enjoy the 34-year-old Saturday Night Live teevee program because they are too old/poor to actually do anything on Saturday night, 71-year-old John McCain will make a very brief appearance on SNL at exactly 11:35 p.m. tomorrow. Apparently the show's producers wanted to put McCain in a dress and beat the shit out of him for 15 minutes, which is the usual level of comedy on SNL, but the "maverick" said no.
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McCAIN HEARTS HAMAS: John McCain is such a 
polar bears
Interior Secretary Dirk Kempthorne announced on Wednesday that the Polar Bear would be put on the Threatened Species list, because all the ice has melted and that's where the Polar Bear lives, on a piece of ice. Also, these comical Polar Bears actually attended Kempthorne's press conference in Washington. See, they really have no place to go now! [AP Photo]
'I'll Take A Question From The Polar Bears'
Interior Secretary Dirk Kempthorne announced on Wednesday that the Polar Bear would be put on the Threatened Species list, because all the ice has melted and that's where the Polar Bear lives, on a piece of ice. Also, these comical Polar Bears actually attended Kempthorne's press conference in Washington. See, they really have no place to go now! [AP Photo]
Dina Matos McGreevey
Dina Matos McGreevey is still divorcing ex-New Jersey governor Jim McGreevey, because he is a Gay American and she doesn't like that, even though she reportedly liked getting fucked by Jim's sexy staffer Teddy Pedersen, while Jim watched and worked up the enthusiasm to fuck Dina with his own penis, after they all enjoyed sexy dinners at (really) T.G.I. Friday's, in New Jersey. Anyway, Dina still denies the swinging TGIF stuff, and she wants Jim to give her enough money for a helicopter and three houses.
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Dina McGreevey Needs Gay Governor Lifestyle -- Especially The Helicopter
Dina Matos McGreevey is still divorcing ex-New Jersey governor Jim McGreevey, because he is a Gay American and she doesn't like that, even though she reportedly liked getting fucked by Jim's sexy staffer Teddy Pedersen, while Jim watched and worked up the enthusiasm to fuck Dina with his own penis, after they all enjoyed sexy dinners at (really) T.G.I. Friday's, in New Jersey. Anyway, Dina still denies the swinging TGIF stuff, and she wants Jim to give her enough money for a helicopter and three houses.
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Late Night Shots
OMFG, the Late Night Shots douchebags have suddenly realized their gals are kind of dumb and bland, and now the LNS doods have developed a collective boner for pretty hipster girls at the Black Cat and Rock 'n Roll Hotel! But how will the LNS guys disguise their doucheness while trying to get some indie chick action? Read the tragic discussion, after the jump.
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Late Night Shots Doods Fall For Hipster Gals
OMFG, the Late Night Shots douchebags have suddenly realized their gals are kind of dumb and bland, and now the LNS doods have developed a collective boner for pretty hipster girls at the Black Cat and Rock 'n Roll Hotel! But how will the LNS guys disguise their doucheness while trying to get some indie chick action? Read the tragic discussion, after the jump.
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SHRIMPOCALYPSE NOW: "The right lane of the Inner Loop at Md. 210 will remain closed through Friday morning's rush hours after an accident involving a tractor trailer hauling frozen shrimp." [WTOP]
Cartoon Violence
By the Comics Curmudgeon
Let's cut the chase: America's political cartoonists are engaged in a vast, ink-stained conspiracy to hollow out our souls and leave us gibbering husks. Why do they hate us, and, by extension, hate freedom? This is not something that mere mortals can answer. What Lovecraftian horrors have they visited upon us this week? That's much easier to determine: just check out the worst, after the jump. More »
Cast Your Vote For This Week's Most Disturbing Cartoon
By the Comics CurmudgeonLet's cut the chase: America's political cartoonists are engaged in a vast, ink-stained conspiracy to hollow out our souls and leave us gibbering husks. Why do they hate us, and, by extension, hate freedom? This is not something that mere mortals can answer. What Lovecraftian horrors have they visited upon us this week? That's much easier to determine: just check out the worst, after the jump. More »
peggy's world
Even more bad news for Republicans and John McCain today, courtesy of Reagan Revolutionary Peggy Noonan: Everybody loves Obama and hates the GOP, the end. Ha, not really. Peggy has a whole column to write, so she needs to explain exactly how badly the Republican Party will be stomped by the Democrats in November, even in slave states like Mississippi, where only Trent Lott's family can legally vote. Let's see what kind of weird new words and phrases Peggy makes up this week, after the jump.
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Peggy Noonan Hates Republicans, Hearts Obama
Even more bad news for Republicans and John McCain today, courtesy of Reagan Revolutionary Peggy Noonan: Everybody loves Obama and hates the GOP, the end. Ha, not really. Peggy has a whole column to write, so she needs to explain exactly how badly the Republican Party will be stomped by the Democrats in November, even in slave states like Mississippi, where only Trent Lott's family can legally vote. Let's see what kind of weird new words and phrases Peggy makes up this week, after the jump.
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horse feathers
Wonkette Curseword-Monitoring Operative "Jared" sends us this screenshot of CNN's Political Ticker from yesterday, back when Joe Biden was saying "bullshit" all over the place. The click-through is properly figleafed with a double asterisk, though.
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CNN Prints Dirty Word In Full!
Wonkette Curseword-Monitoring Operative "Jared" sends us this screenshot of CNN's Political Ticker from yesterday, back when Joe Biden was saying "bullshit" all over the place. The click-through is properly figleafed with a double asterisk, though.
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ivy league jerks
Back when he was a young pup, Barack Obama went to college. Some of his former classmates remember he was a supernice guy who stood up to menacing bums; others say he was aloof; and still others ask, "Barry who?" Such was the wonderful enigmatic palimpsest of Barack Obama back in the days when he wore "$5 military-surplus khakis and used leather jackets" and roomed with some guy who later became a loser due to his cocaine addiction.
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Barack Obama's Wild College Days!
Back when he was a young pup, Barack Obama went to college. Some of his former classmates remember he was a supernice guy who stood up to menacing bums; others say he was aloof; and still others ask, "Barry who?" Such was the wonderful enigmatic palimpsest of Barack Obama back in the days when he wore "$5 military-surplus khakis and used leather jackets" and roomed with some guy who later became a loser due to his cocaine addiction.
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Daily Briefing
Rock Me Like A Hurricane
- Will conservative advocacy groups start hollering about California's gay-marriage ruling to turn out the Republican base this fall? And this time around, will anybody actually care? [New York Times]
- In China, individuals are making big financial donations to earthquake aid rather than waiting for the state to pay for everything. [Washington Post]
- Chinese schools collapsed while other buildings stayed standing, prompting questions about whether the skinflint government is to blame for the deaths of thousands of innocents. [Reuters]
- Poor Hillary. [Washington Post]
- Ben Bernanke has a secret cabal of economists he keeps in Princeton to study financial bubbles. Their big conclusion: they wish they had invested in tech in the 90s. [Wall Street Journal]
- Thanks, fatties! You are responsible for global warming. [Reuters]
appeasin' hitler
We have seen some "chatter" about the second-straight brilliant episode of Hardball today, and hot damn, this is some seven-diamond comedy here. Matthews is interviewing Republican radio host "Kevin James," who screams in some white-trash voice about Obama being an appeaser for a couple minutes, before — around 4:00 into the clip — Matthews annihilates him, calls him "pathetic," says "you don't know anything," and does this for several minutes. Nice work. Do it again tomorrow! [MSNBC]
Biggest Moron On Earth Makes For Delicious 'Hardball' Comedy
We have seen some "chatter" about the second-straight brilliant episode of Hardball today, and hot damn, this is some seven-diamond comedy here. Matthews is interviewing Republican radio host "Kevin James," who screams in some white-trash voice about Obama being an appeaser for a couple minutes, before — around 4:00 into the clip — Matthews annihilates him, calls him "pathetic," says "you don't know anything," and does this for several minutes. Nice work. Do it again tomorrow! [MSNBC]
exits
Jesus, this clown. Our favorite sexually-harassing lover of women and Hawaiian pizza, Democratic Ohio Attorney General Marc Dann, resigned yesterday after the Democratic legislature introduced nine counts of impeachment. Quitter. [New York Times]
Marc Dann Finally Resigns
Jesus, this clown. Our favorite sexually-harassing lover of women and Hawaiian pizza, Democratic Ohio Attorney General Marc Dann, resigned yesterday after the Democratic legislature introduced nine counts of impeachment. Quitter. [New York Times]
so old, so stupid
Here's how our boy WALNUTS! (yes, we called him "boy" so we are racist) explained to his loving reporters why Obama is a fairy: "I believe that it's not an accident that our hostages came home from Iran when President Reagan was president of the United States. He didn't sit down in a negotiation with the religious extremists in Iran, he made it very clear that those hostages were coming home." Well, that's the Misspeaking of the century. Reagan officials "made it very clear" by covertly selling Iran weapons, which perhaps may not be "sitting down" but was effective in its own way. [The Caucus]
John McCain Does Not Know Anything About Life
Here's how our boy WALNUTS! (yes, we called him "boy" so we are racist) explained to his loving reporters why Obama is a fairy: "I believe that it's not an accident that our hostages came home from Iran when President Reagan was president of the United States. He didn't sit down in a negotiation with the religious extremists in Iran, he made it very clear that those hostages were coming home." Well, that's the Misspeaking of the century. Reagan officials "made it very clear" by covertly selling Iran weapons, which perhaps may not be "sitting down" but was effective in its own way. [The Caucus]
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